Tuesday, 18 December 2012

7 months

The months are starting to roll by so quickly and I start to wonder where they have gone. It's been seven months now and I feel like I've just scratched the surface of mourning. The past couple of months, I've thrown myself into my work and have worked harder than I've ever worked in my life. A minimum of 10 hour days with a side of working at home on the weekends. Granted I've been given a lot more work than I can chew but in a way it keeps me from reflecting. The reflection piece is hard. I reflect a lot in the car, driving to and from work. I reflect while I'm walking at work to meetings. I reflect in moments when I'm alone without prefilled time with exercise, tv or cooking. My mind always goes back to Clara - what I've lost and all that I'm missing. It just plain hurts.

You can't go any where without seeing a baby or being reminded of all things baby. Like today, in the pool was a mom and tots class - that should have been me. It's still a wave of ups and downs - my latest down is the news. A pang of jealously hits me with all the pregnancy news. Then there are the stories of loss and it pains me to know that there are parents experiencing the excruciating pain of their child's death.

It's been 7 months and I still miss her like crazy every day - the pain is still there but over time in morphs in different shapes and forms. 

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