I'm still waiting for the part where people tell me it gets easier. I'm not going to lie, 8 months and its still hard as hell. I still miss her more than I ever could have imagined.
Before loss, I never understood why people committed suicide - I was naive and I thought you could just deal with what ever life threw your way. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal. But I can now understand how so much pain could really push you over the edge. It may seem like the only way out - the only source of relief. How no matter how hard you try, lady luck just doesn't look your way. Life just sucks for some people and I just have to accept that I'm apart of that group with sucky lives. I just wish I could see some light - just an ounce, a glimmer.
Before loss, I never understood why people committed suicide - I was naive and I thought you could just deal with what ever life threw your way. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal. But I can now understand how so much pain could really push you over the edge. It may seem like the only way out - the only source of relief. How no matter how hard you try, lady luck just doesn't look your way. Life just sucks for some people and I just have to accept that I'm apart of that group with sucky lives. I just wish I could see some light - just an ounce, a glimmer.
Losing my daughter made me realize how terrible it would really be for ME to commit suicide... I would be causing my own mother the pain of losing her daughter. I knew I could never cause that pain for her, or any other mother, or even wish it on my worst enemy.
ReplyDeleteI hear so much pain in your voice. I am not much further out than you are, my daughter died Feb 10, 2012, and "better" is probably not how I would describe where I am, but different is. I miss her every day, I wish that she could be with me every day, but I am not sobbing on the floor of the shower (at least not very often) any more. I still go to grief counseling monthly, acupuncture monthly and am in private therapy with a psychologist who uses hypnotherapy, EFT and EMDR techniques. Without all of these things I know I would not be doing as well as I am now. If you are not in therapy I would encourage you to consider it, therapy won't make everything okay, let's face it nothing can, but it may help you find that glimmer you are looking for. Sending peace and love and light.
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