Wednesday, 11 July 2012

A New Friend

Dear Clara,

I went to visit you today at the cemetery. I bought some items to decorate your burial site to make it more of a happy place for you. It was hard. The woman in line in front of me was buying toys for her children. I must admit I got teary-eyed because I would have spoiled you rotten if you were here with me. Actually, your whole family would have made sure you were never left wanting for anything.

While I was there, I noticed that they were preparing another spot for another little angel. You will soon have another friend near you. Clara, I hope you teach the new angel the ropes because I know that you are a kind, warm and loving child. Give him or her comfort from being separated from their loved ones.

Today is your grandma's birthday. Your aunties and I got her a watch. I was sad that you weren't there and that I'll never get to her the words "Happy Birthday Mommy" from you. I know in my heart that you do but never to hear the words from your lips makes Mommy sad. I really hope that you know how much I love you and would give up anything including my own life for you. I miss you every day.

Love, Mommy

When I saw that new grave site today, my heart sank even further in despair. I didn't even know that was possible at this stage in my grief. Another family that is saying goodbye to their child suffering through the same agony that I feel. Those feelings in the first few weeks where you think you would rather die to be with your child rather then live through the anguish of grief. Waking up every morning reliving the horror of losing your child you were looking so forward to meeting. No person should ever have to ever endure life long suffering of a lost child, it's cruel. And today, my heart goes out to that family.

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