Not Alone

The past few days have been ok. I have to learn to accept these days without guilt. Part of this ok feeling is the new people that are becoming apart of my life. Yesterday, I met two baby loss moms IRL - each of us found one another through an on-line forum. I think the most important thing about surviving this tragedy in your life is knowing that you are not alone and there are people out there who get it. Each of our stories were  different but in the end we all lived through the same hell of saying goodbye to our little ones. It was a nice change to talk to people who understand and you don't feel compelled to make someone understand what it was like. It's also nice to know you are normal. For example, the whole work situation and ALL the continuous kid/baby talk - at times, I thought I was overreacting or overly sensitive. My therapist said that I would have to adjust and that I can't control these situations. But these gals see it from my perspective, as insensitive. Wow,  I never thought I could say that out loud but gosh darnit it's mean. Is it appropriate to talk about your baby learning how to walk around someone who has just lost their baby girl - when I say it that way, yes it's insensitive.

In terms of being apart of a community, I've tried the support groups but they just didn't really help me. They were prescribed to talk about baby loss  within a certain time window and it always felt the same. It was always the 5-7 women crying around a tissue box in a stuffy room. I couldn't take it anymore. But with these two amazing women, it felt more natural. So, for now I'm feeling ok.