Lilypie - Memorial

Wednesday, 3 October 2012

Still Here

This is my third week back at work and it amazes me how raw my pain really is. The very thought of Clara at work can bring on a flood of instantaneous tears. It’s this way at work because I have no control over the situations that I’m placed in. I can’t hide from the world of kids and babies. The coping strategies that I had when I was at home, no longer apply in the broader world. Some days it feels like I’ve taken 10 steps back in my grieving.  I’m just left with tears and the fact that I have to grow some pretty thick skin.
The other thing that is pressed on me is the idea of creating goals/objectives and how I want to grow professionally. This is a tough one – at the moment, I really don’t have any. I can’t see my future through the thick clouds. It’s not such a great question for a person that is trying to take each day as it comes, accepting the good days and struggling through the bad. It’s tough for me to even contemplate the future, it’s even harder to fathom that I could ever find happiness again. So for now, I leave the future out of my thoughts.

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