Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Camping without Clara

Dear Clara,
Daddy took mommy camping this weekend. Originally, we were all suppose to go to Sandbanks this weekend, for daddy's birthday present. It was close to a hospital just in case we were worried about you. I wish we had the opportunity to take you. We saw a father and son camping trip and I just thought of all the fun things we would have done together.

This weekend was really tough without you, I didn't have the distractions that I have at home. Daddy wants us to enjoy life and the summer, he says it's what you would wanted. I just want to have you here with us. We would have shown you all the joy the outdoors give us but without you how can I enjoy it. My life seems forever changed and I'm not sure what joy I can get out of this cruel world. Cruel. The same world that lets life go on without you in it. You are my world and what gave me joy within it. Nothing will ever seem to be the same, the innocent naive joy. Now everything is tainted with you gone, my heart broken. How can I ever find joy from this world? There are no words to express how much I miss you.

Everyone wants Mommy to get better with good intentions, but does everyone understand what you meant to me and our future together. Did they understand the connection we had, we were a team. My being is now incomplete without you, part of me is gone and will never be recovered. You are irreplaceable. You are the love of my life and while you were here everything made sense and had a purpose. My purpose is gone, missing and it will take a long time to pick up the pieces. I now understand what people mean by say "it is with a heavy heart" when the announce a loss. But it feels like my heart and entire body is heavy with losing you.


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