It's a continual series of ups and downs. And today I'm feeling down. I really can't believe that this is my life. The life that is continuing without Clara in it. How will I ever again see beauty and joy in this world? Everything is tainted by grief. A perfect beautiful baby whom was so loved was taken away from this world. How does this happen? How am I suppose to accept this? How will I live without ever understanding why this happened to her, to us?
This month should have welcomed my daughter and now I live in the month with dread. Dread of her due date and all that it was suppose to stand for. Joy and happiness is replaced by pain and suffering. This is a world in which I never thought I would have to live in. I never knew I could hurt this much and for so long. I don't know what to do to make it better. The pain is constant - a lesser degree at times but always there. Sometimes I don't know how to make it through the day, I suppose its one step in front of the other. Today grief has overcome me and overtaken my day and I have no choice but to roll with it. Hopefully, tomorrow will see a better day.
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